


In your darkness I will find you

by ambientbliss



Series: Gender differences. [9]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Always Female Stiles Stilinski, Derek Freaks Out, Derek is Not a Failwolf, Explicit Sexual Content, F/F, F/M, Hurt Stiles, Kidnapped Stiles, Loss of Virginity, Mildly Dubious Consent, Minor Character Death, Panic Attacks, Past Rape/Non-con, Rape/Non-con Elements, Stiles is Okay, Stiles is not a victim, They are okay, Underage Sex, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-26
Updated: 2017-07-26
Packaged: 2018-12-07 07:48:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11619153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ambientbliss/pseuds/ambientbliss
Summary: Sometimes Stiles hates the fact that she gets herself into messes. Also, she hates the fact that the people you want to be dead, never stay dead in Beacon Hills. It throws a wrench in her plans and she refuses to be a victim. Somehow she has to find a way to keep this secret from Derek... as if that were possible.





	In your darkness I will find you

**Author's Note:**

> ** UnBeta'd  
> ** I do not own Teen Wolf.

Stiles's head was throbbing. It wasn't the ache she was used to, instead she could feel her heartbeat behind her eyes and each thump made her want to vomit. She hadn't opened her eyes yet, partially because she knew it would hurt, but there was this whole part of not really wanting to know where she was. Stiles could feel the zip ties digging into her wrists and ankles. Along with the chair she was stuck to. 

Where she ended up was a mystery for now, but Stiles knew how she got here. There wasn't a question about it. The pack had been looking for a rogue group of hunters that moved into Beacon Hills under the radar. Seriously Stiles was going to have to talk to Chris about that, and those damn wolves. After following some leads that her father didn't know she was privy to, Stiles found herself in the warehouse district, watching from behind a bunch of barrels as two big burley men covered their SUV's with tarps. What the hell is it with hunters and SUV's? The thought had been interrupted by a coy laugh behind her. That's when she knew she had been caught. Then came the blinding pain radiating through her head.

Thinking back on it, logically she would be somewhere in one of the warehouses. But, when Stiles reluctantly opened her eyes she was surprised to find that her location was completely different than expected. Horrible wallpaper was surrounding her with a yellowish light casting the room. A room that smelt stale and old. With a quick scan of the room, noting the way it was decorated, and the way things were positioned Stiles figured she was in an old motel room. 

Stiles froze when she heard the door open behind her. Images of being kidnapped by Gerard flashed in her memory, hurting her brain even more. If she got through that, she surely could get through this. At least that is what she thought, until she heard the voice.

"Look what the wolf dragged in." 

The blood in Stiles's veins ran cold. She knew that voice, she _hated_ that voice.

"Oh sweetie... you really should have just stayed home."

"Kiss my ass Kate!" 

There was venom in her voice, and Stiles knew that Kate could feel it. Also... Kate was supposed to be dead. She watched the funeral, she knew that Kate was dead. Didn't she? That meant Kate wasn't human and this was starting to get more and more complicated. 

"Oh sweetie be careful what you wish for."

Suddenly Kate was standing right in front of her. Looking very human, until Stiles caught the reflection of headlights in her eyes. They flashed like Derek's did in the mug shots. Definitely not human. Stiles wasn't going to give her the satisfaction.

"I could wish for a lot... like how you should still be dead."

Kate scoffed as she paced a little. Stiles knew pacing, she did it all the time. This wasn't an irritated pace, no this was an impatient pace. It was starting to put Stiles on edge, almost as much as the other hunters not being in the room. Or there being any sign on them being anywhere near the room. Kate stopped pacing and stalked to the side of Stiles's chair, putting her just barely out of view. Stiles wasn't going to look at her. 

She almost jumped when she felt Kate's breath against her ear, flooding down the expanse of her neck. It made her skin crawl. Kate was a seductress. She seduced Derek in ways that were deplorable just to get what she wanted. That thought sent her heart hammering in her chest. Kate was going to get whatever she wanted out of Stiles... because she was going to try to seduce her.

"It's always more fun when they comply. You know that right Stiles? This could be a lot easier if you were more willing to help me get what I want."

"Nice try Kate. I'm not into chicks, and there is no way you are getting what you want from me."

"Oh sweetie... I wasn't asking."

Honest to god, Stiles thought she was going to have a heart attack the moment that Kate's hand touched her. Gripping her thigh. She cursed herself for wearing shorts, but at least Kate didn't have a dick. Penetration was out of the question... unless one of the hunters came back. Kate... she wouldn't... would she? Stiles's whole body froze as Kate's hand rubbed at the seam of her shorts. 

Stiles, with the very lack of self preservation that she has, wasn't going to give Kate the glory of her begging. Instead she squeezed her eyes shut and tried to think of something else. Anything else. Her ADHD riddled brain landed on the one thing that she seemed to be able to focus on... Derek. She knew that was a bad idea, because she had a mega crush on him, and they had been flirty lately. That was the worst thing she could think of, but it didn't keep her mind from going there.

As Kate's rubbing progressed to a central location Stiles could feel her legs shaking. Her body was going to betray her, along with her brain. Images of Derek flashed in her mind. The tension filled Camaro rides, where Stiles had to press her legs together hoping he couldn't smell how much she wanted him. The brief touches and glances during pack meetings, or just when hanging out. The banter between them when they are having fun, or the banter between them when they are heated and angry. All of the things she wishes she was doing now instead of... _this_.

Stiles bit into her cheek, drawing blood the moment she felt Kate's fingers against her flesh bypassing her shorts. Stiles tried to close her legs, at least make it harder for Kate. But her legs wouldn't budge. Ankles tied on the outside of the chair legs. She finally broke when she felt Kate's fingers push into her.

"What... what do you wa..nt.."

"Stiles, you are a smart girl. I think you know what I want."

"I'm not... I don't have anything to... tell you." 

She was doing her best to not make noise, not to groan at the movements of Kate's fingers. Trying her best not to show any signs of pleasure because this... this wasn't pleasure to her. 

"Sweetie... I don't want you to tell me anything. You will give me what I want, your body will do enough."

Stiles ground her teeth together. Kate didn't want information, somewhere deep inside her mind Stiles knew that Kate was trying to break her. To hurt her to get to Derek. Everything Kate did was to get to Derek, to break him, so she was going to break him by breaking Stiles. 

As Kate's fingers angled up, Stiles's body shook. The coil in her stomach was about to snap and there was nothing she could do to stop it. Her body snapped back against the chair as she felt herself contracting around Kate's fingers causing the chair to creak. 

"That's it sweetie. Tell me how much you like it. Do you wish it was him?"

Stiles clamped her mouth shut, grinding her teeth together to the point she thought they would break. Her breathing was erratic as her body shook. Then Kate gripped her jaw. 

"This was fun Sweetie. You'll always remember how this felt. Nothing is going to replace it."

Then Kate stopped touching Stiles completely. Walking to the door, she pulled her phone out. Mumbling about leaving Stiles for someone to find then she shut the door. Panic was starting to set in. Someone was going to find her, and Kate was going to get what she wanted. Stiles started to picture Derek busting through the door, scenting the room and finding out. Then everyone would treat her like a victim. Stiles _was not_ a victim. 

She caught a glance of herself in the mirror by the dresser. The pink still decorating her cheeks, her hair a mess, and the bruise from where they hit her head. Her legs tied apart, open for anyone to see the dampness that spotted her shorts. Then her eyes fell to the chair. A wooden chair, a wooden chair that creaked when force was applied. 

"I am not a victim."

This was going to hurt, but Stiles was going to get out of here on her own. With all the force she could muster, Stiles slammed her body backwards tipping the chair over breaking it in half as she hit the floor. She was able to slip her legs free from the chair legs once the seat was broken away from the back. Now she needed to get her hands free from the zip ties. Whoever tied her up didn't really think about her being the Sheriff's daughter. Stiles took a deep breath and slammed her arms toward her back snapping the zip tie. 

There would be bruising but it wasn't anything that a hoodie couldn't cover until it was healed. After massaging her wrists a bit Stiles found her phone sitting on the dresser. Kate must have thought they would track it like they did with Scott's when she first rolled into their lives. It was smart, but the flaw in her planning was that no one took her keys. With the knowledge that Kate had planned to leave her for someone to find, Stiles was pretty confident in leaving through the front door. 

Once she was outside, and no one had tried to stop her Stiles took off running. She wasn't far from where she had parked the Jeep. It must have been staying here for convenience, but there was no doubt they wouldn't stay here. Now that they were making a move to be noticed. Once in the confines of the Jeep, and speeding down the road to her house Stiles itched at the thought of texting Derek, or Scott. An attempt to tell them that it is Kate. She isn't dead and she is out for Derek. The only problem is that they would call her, and she didn't know if she could keep her voice in check. Especially with Derek. 

Instead, Stiles just drove home. The Sheriff was on another night shift, so Stiles was left alone. It was the first time that she was thankful for the quiet house. She could shower, and break down in peace without having to explain why she is draining all the hot water. She did too. Scrubbing her body until she felt that Kate's scent wouldn't be anywhere near it. From Stiles's knowledge of sexual assault victims she should feel violated, broken, dirty, used. Well... if she was honest with herself she felt dirty and used but not violated. Not like she should have felt. 

Anger coursed through her veins, Kate did this out of revenge. She didn't want anyone else to be with Derek. Sure she played it as if she didn't care about Derek, but Stiles could tell. She wanted to control him and then she couldn't, no this time around she was looking for revenge in other ways. It was that moment Stiles wasn't going to tell anyone about what Kate had done. Instead she was going to make sure that this time, she was dead.

+++++

It had been about three weeks since her encounter with Kate. Stiles played it cool, being as much of her usual self as possible. Luckily Alison was the one to find out that Kate was back, and quickly informed the pack. Stiles wouldn't have to do it, and then explain how she found out. Her bruises had faded, and she was finally getting back into the swing of flirting with Derek when she saw him.

Derek had called a pack meeting at the McCall house. The hunters couldn't find them there, partially because amazingly enough, no one knew where Scott lived. Everyone had been shocked at how quiet the hunters became. There hadn't been a new sign of movement for weeks. Stiles knew why, Kate was lying in wait to watch Stiles crumble and Derek to find out. 

Throughout the whole meeting Stiles was next to Derek. His arm brushing hers, sending goosebumps up her arms. Making her heart beat a little faster, the way she liked because it was Derek. She caught him smirking every time he sent her heart rate up. The two had been leaving together when Melissa had walked through the door, accidentally bumping into Derek.

"Oh, I'm sorry sweetie."

An involuntary cringe struck Stiles at the nickname, and she noticed that Derek flinched away as well. Panic filled her fingertips as she noticed that Derek was staring at her, as if he caught her flinching too. _Shit._

"I'm... gunna go meet my dad for dinner." 

Another cringe tightened Stiles's neck. She knew it was a lie, and she didn't have to look at Derek to know he heard her heart spike. Stiles was pretty sure even if he wasn't a werewolf he could tell when she was lying. They had been around each other enough the past two years. Before Derek could say anything, or call her on it Stiles was already in the Jeep. 

Excuses, rambling, explaining everything away. That was something Stiles was good at. You know... up until the supernatural jumped into her life and her friends were walking lie detectors, one of which _loved_ to call her out on it. She wouldn't be able to explain away the flinching to Derek, she wouldn't be able to come up with a remotely plausible excuse because Derek would pick out the lie. The faintest uptick in her heart would set it off. Then Derek wouldn't drop it until she is rambling and spilling the beans, which would lead to him leaving. 

The shit thing about it was Stiles didn't worry about Derek going out and killing Kate. She was sure he would do that either way. What worried her was how he would view her after knowing. What if he saw her as weak, Stiles knew she should have tried harder, with all her will to make it stop, but Stiles was resigned to knowing that it could have been worse. 

Stiles was stuck in her head, thinking of all the things that she could say, or what she shouldn't say to keep Derek from knowing. She absentmindedly answered the questions her dad posed during dinner, occasionally giving him a pointed look when she noticed he wasn't eating much of the greens on his plate. The two watched the first half of the Mets game before the Sheriff had to go to work. Another nightshift, another night alone. 

The moment the door locked Stiles actually felt alone. For the first time since the Nogitsune, she felt utterly alone. Watching the game didn't even seem interesting to her, instead she turned it off and walked up to her room. At least if she was going to be alone she could sit in her room, maybe do some research on how to beat a lie detector test. 

Stiles sat down on the edge of her bed, running her hand through her long brown hair messing it up even more. How did she get to this point? What made her think that running through the woods to find a body was a good idea? Every time Stiles went down this thought path it always ended in her remembering that her friends were amazing, and she never would have met Derek. Now it was just a question of why the hell she thought it was a good idea to track down hunters on her own. That was how she got here to this very moment, and she hated herself for it. 

The sliding of her window jarred her from her thoughts. Looking up she found the one person who even dared to crawl through her window anymore. Derek. Once in her room, the wolf fixed on his confused brows and walked over to where Stiles was sitting. When he sat, he left room between them that he never afforded her before. It made Stiles feel like someone's hands were clamping down on her lungs. 

"You've been avoiding me for the last few weeks. Is everything okay?"

"Yeah..."She could feel her heart starting to beat faster. "I'm sorry. I've just had a lot on my mind lately."

"Stiles."

She turned looking at him, waiting for him to call her on the lie.

"You usually spend more time with me when that happens. Are you mad at me?"

"No."

"Good, because I have been wanting to see you lately."

Out of habit, Stiles bit into the side of her cheek. Feeling the rough edges of where she bit herself. Anxiety, flooded into her chest. Her knee started to bounce, and Stiles knew that Derek was feeling all of it. 

"Hey."

His voice was so soft Stiles wasn't even sure it came from him. Immediately her eyes were locked with his. Derek's eyes were searching hers for something, maybe answers to why she wasn't just telling him what is bothering her like she used to, or maybe he was trying to tell her something. Either way it was making her more anxious. 

"Since when have you been so anxious around me?"

"I... I'm not sure."

Derek's lips were in a flat line as he looked at her. It was an analyzing gaze, and under anyone else Stiles would have felt her skin crawl. Derek was the exception for most things when it came to Stiles's habits and tendencies. She heard him sigh, and just as she was about to ask him what was wrong he moved. Gently pressing his lips to hers. Stiles felt his hand slip into the hair just above her neck, and she was melting into him. Making a mental note to investigate how he closed the gap so quickly. 

The kiss started off gentle, then everything changed the moment Stiles's hand was in his hair. Their tongues were fighting for dominance, and Stiles was practically climbing into his lap. That was until Derek flipped them, he was now looming over her bracing himself on his elbow while his free hand slid down her side. Stiles could feel the goosebumps as they rose on her flesh. Heat rushed through her body, a sensation she hadn't really felt before. 

For once her mind stopped. She wasn't thinking of anything but Derek. When they broke apart to breathe Stiles was pulling Derek's shirt off and he was all to eager to help, only detangling himself from Stiles long enough to get the piece of clothing off and throw it on the floor. Her shirt was next. Feeling his warm skin against hers sent a thrill through her. Stiles had expected Derek to be more rough, to take. Instead she could almost anticipate where he was going next because each move was a stutter.

It was almost like he didn't know what he could and couldn't touch, and wanted to give her every chance to correct him. And dear god she didn't want to correct anything. He was kissing her neck when his hand reached her jeans. She lifted her hips, pressing his hand into her stomach urging him on. Stiles couldn't wait any longer, her body ached and all she wanted was Derek. 

Removing her hands from his body, she tore at the button to her jeans and slipped them off completely. Leaving her in her bra and underwear. The most bare she had ever been in front of a man that wasn't Scott or her father. And ew, just stop thinking about them right god damned _now!_

She was reaching for Derek's jeans when his hands finally touched her again. Stiles was hyperaware as Derek's hand slid from her navel down, rubbing against her. A breath caught in Stiles's throat. His hands were large and strong with long agile fingers. As they pushed against Stiles's soft heat she focused on her goal, getting his pants off too. 

The button on Derek's jeans had just been popped when his fingers slipped passed her panties gliding through her slick folds and Stiles froze. The tendons in her neck tightening, her lungs feeling like the hand was placed back around them and squeezing. Stiles was chanting in her head, these hands are different, this is Derek. She had squeezed her eyes shut, trying to focus on the differences. At least until his movements stopped, and he was no longer kissing her neck.

"Stiles." 

Derek's voice was rough and raw but laced with concern. The weight shifted, and his other hand was cupping her cheek. Slowly she relaxed enough to open her eyes.

"If you... do you..."

"Please Derek..."

She sounded needy, and Stiles hated it. She hated it because she was needy for reasons that Derek didn't know. Stiles could see it in his eyes, the look like he knew she wasn't telling him something but he wasn't going to push it. Not now, but he definitely wasn't happy about what he was sensing from her at the moment. Instead of protesting or saying anything else, Derek had the rest of his clothes off and Stiles was working on the rest of her clothing. 

Her hands were fumbling around, and all her eyes could focus on was how well endowed Derek was. It didn't appear that he was going to resume his previous sensory exploration, but Stiles.. she wanted to touch. Gently her hand outstretched and she wrapped her long fingers around his width. Mentally she is screaming that he isn't going to fit, but god she wants to try. With each stroke the ache between her legs grows stronger and groans are catching in Derek's throat. 

"Do you have a c-condom?" 

Stiles nodded her head, reaching for her nightstand drawer. Derek's voice was utterly wrecked and she sure as hell wasn't going to trust her voice. Stiles handed the wolf the foil packet and watched breathlessly as he rolled in on. She was trying not to hyperventilate as Derek positioned himself at her opening. He leaned down, burying his nose into her neck, scenting her as he fell into her to the hilt. Derek was stretching her to the point that she thought she was going to break. Her eyes screwed shut trying to adjust and focus on anything but the pain and pressure.

Derek's lips were back on hers, gently kissing her. While it was gentle, it was as if his life depended on it. Without her permission her fingers wound through his hair, and he started to move. Derek pulled on her knee, draping her leg over his hip as he moved. Thrusting slow and deep. Drawing noises out of Stiles that she had only heard in porn that she found freshman year. Each time Derek struck her perfectly, like he was trained to move this way. It made Stiles's legs shake, and her stomach quiver. 

Each movement pulled moans from her, and groans from Derek. His lips leaving trails all over her neck and chest. Stiles had always pictured sex with Derek being rough, hard, and bruising but this... every move sucked the breath right out of her and Stiles knew she wasn't going to last long. Feeling that coil in her stomach again. The memory of Kate smacked right into the forefront of her mind. She didn't want to come to Kate, never in a million years but she couldn't stop it. Slight panic rushed through her when she realized that she wasn't going to be able to stop her climax with Derek either, but it was dissolved when she heard him moan.

He was making her feel this way, her body practically vibrating beneath him. But she was doing something similar to him. She could feel his muscles shaking with need, like he was holding back. With a harsh thrust, Stiles's head was flying back and the coil was snapping. She squeezed the hair in her hand, pulling a rough moan from Derek that went straight to her throbbing core. Intensifying the already blinding orgasm Derek was pulling from her. 

"D...Derek!!"

"Stiles!" 

Her name was choked out, and Derek's hips were stuttering as his climax hit him. His nose buried in Stiles's neck as tremors tore through him. Each ending with his hips jerking forward. When Derek's body finally stilled, Stiles laid there anticipating all the ways this was going to go. Gently, Derek pulled himself from Stiles kissing her and then leaving to dispose of the condom. 

When she was alone in the room everything suddenly hit Stiles. She had just had sex with Derek Hale. The very Derek Hale that she had thought of losing her virginity to. Oh god she just lost her virginity to Derek Hale. This was what she wanted. Stiles finally had a crush that didn't seem unrequited. It was like she was floating on cloud 9. Until... she wasn't. 

Sitting there in her bed utterly vulnerable, Stiles's mind started to wonder off the path. What if Derek didn't want a relationship with Stiles? What if this was some sort of like attempting to get her to come around more? It wasn't like he _took_ anything from her. Not like Kate. Then she was remembering Kate again, and her words. _You'll always remember how this felt._

Oh she remembered alright, she remembered enough to panic when Derek touched her. It felt different, and god she liked it so much better and momentarily it made everything right, but then she remembered. Remembering her want... no her need to keep that secret from Derek. With a watery sigh, Stiles reached for her shirt and a pair of shorts she had on the floor. She would be able to hold it together until he left. 

When Derek came back into the room he was quick to put his briefs and jeans on. It put Stiles on edge. The anxiety bubbling in her stomach was eased a bit when Derek grabbed his shirt from the floor, but didn't put it on. The wolf sat down on the bed next to Stiles. Almost mirroring the positions they were in before the kiss. It looked like Derek was going to say something, and he still had this concerned look on his face, but right as the silence was becoming unbearable Derek's cell rang.

"What Scott?" He was clearly annoyed. As he listened, Stiles watched the muscles in the wolf's torso tense. The concern was wiped from his face, replaced by anger. "Yeah. 45 minutes."

Stiles knew it had to to with Kate, and she wasn't going to miss out on it. But before she could really do anything Derek was looking at her.

"You... you need to stay here." 

"That is ridiculous. I'm not staying here while Ka... _she_ is taking you on."

Derek's eyes narrowed at the way Stiles stuttered around Kate's name. Then his eyes were pleading with her, begging her to stay but Stiles couldn't. Derek wouldn't understand why unless she explained and she sure as hell wasn't going to do that. So she would have to wait, then follow them. Not trusting her voice, Stiles just nodded as if she was just tired and giving in. The wolf squeezed her thigh then put his shirt on and slipped out the window. 

The moment Derek was gone Stiles's heart rate skyrocketed. She was sure it would bruise her ribs if it had the capability. Her hands were shaking, and her breathing was coming in short and ragged. Figures Stiles would have a panic attack the moment Derek leaves after having sex with her. This one was coming on strong and quick. The only thing Stiles could think to do was hold her breath. With a shaking hand she clamped her nose shut and covered her mouth. The sensation of her lungs screaming for air was reassuring, but she didn't let go until she felt the pain of her lungs trying to contract.

Once her hand fell from her face, she sucked in a deep breath followed by a few shallow breaths. Her heart was still hammering in her chest, but at least now she could breathe. This method was a lot better than jamming her nails into her skin trying for pain to jolt her out of it. This way, the wolves wouldn't know. Without a second thought, Stiles climbed from her bed on wobbly legs and headed to the bathroom to try and shower the smell of Derek off of her. That way the wolves and Kate wouldn't pick up on it yet.

++++

Stiles had gone back to the warehouse. It was risky, but without any other leads on where the pack was going this was the best shot. And of course, like always... she was right. The only problem was that most of the pack was absent. Without thinking Stiles ran into the side door of the warehouse. To her surprise the other hunters weren't there, that would answer where the rest of the pack was. As Stiles followed the voices she found Derek and Kate in a stand off. Hiding behind a corner, Stiles tried to listen in to the conversation. 

"This is over Kate."

"Oh sweetie, it really isn't. Even if you manage to kill me."

Although Derek didn't say anything, Stiles knew the look he was giving Kate. The look of confusion and anger.

"Oh... you don't know do you?"

Kate's laugh was sickening, and made Stiles flinch. Then her stomach fell to the floor with the realization that Kate was going to tell Derek everything.

"I wonder how she got out then... oh well. Either way, I guess I could just tell you."

"Tell me what Kate?!" Derek's roar shook the room. 

"Your little pack pet paid me a visit a while ago."

"Stiles."

"Mmm. Yeah. She and I had a little fun, well I had fun."

"What did you do?!"

Stiles could feel the anger vibrating through Derek. His words muffled as his fangs dropped. Stiles didn't want him to know, but if he had to know this was not the way to find out. 

"Nothing! She did _nothing_!"

It was a dumb idea, but she had to do something. Even though she knew they both could hear the lie, it didn't matter. Kate wouldn't get that last bit of power, and that is all Stiles wanted. Kate whipped around to find Stiles standing out in the open. The smirk on her lips made Stiles's stomach turn, how could someone be so horrible? 

"You don't want him to know do you?"

"Shut up Kate."

"Maybe we should show him."

Kate advanced toward Stiles, pinning her to a wall. Just as her hand was moving Stiles felt the absence of Kate's body. A loud roar ripped through the room and Stiles's eye snapped open finding Derek pinning Kate to the floor, the way he held her down wasn't anything like how he held Stiles down. As Stiles watched Derek, she noticed his body go rigid. His eyes met hers, and Stiles realized that Kate had said something she couldn't hear to Derek. Of course she didn't need to hear it, she could guess what Kate had said based off of the look Derek was giving her. Tears pricked at Stiles's eyes for the first time since her encounter. Stiles had been so focused on Derek that she hadn't heard the rest of the pack burst through the doors. 

Immediately Lydia was by Stiles's side, taking in her appearance and her emotional state. Stiles felt the banshee's warm hands on her arms, trying to get her attention. Watching Derek was her only focus. There wasn't anything else she wanted to see because she was sure that once this was over he was never talking to her again.

Without a blink, or looking away from Stiles, Derek slashed into Kate's throat. This time making sure he hit bone severing the artery. Then, because no one could be too sure he snapped her neck. Only then did Stiles look away, her eyes focusing on Lydia. 

"Stiles, are you hurt?"

"No. I'm fine. I'm just... I'm gunna go home."

"Do you need me to drive you?"

"No. Thanks Lyds."

Lydia nodded, giving Stiles a look. The same look Stiles gave her every time she would ask if Lydia was okay after being bitten by Peter. Unlike Stiles, Lydia wouldn't pry not unless she was 100% sure that Stiles was going to go home and die. Sure Stiles felt like she was dying inside but it wouldn't be life threatening. 

As fast as she could, Stiles ran out of the warehouse faintly hearing her name but she kept going until she was in the Jeep. For the first time in forever, Roscoe started right up. It was almost like it knew Stiles needed to get out of there and it needed to be now. Tears blurred her vision as she drove through town, trying her best to keep from being pulled over. The last thing she needed right now was to have her father pull her over and see her crying in the Jeep.

Stiles wiped her eyes with her palms, and headed into the house. Thankful that the Sheriff was taking more nightshifts. Especially tonight. She couldn't imagine what would happen if her father found out she had sex with Derek, and was assaulted by Kate. All older than her. God Derek must find her ridiculous. There goes the relationship they had built, the friendship, the... whatever that was before the warehouse. 

Stiles let out a choked sob as she walked into her room, everything was going to shit and she could have prevented it. Tears were running down her cheeks again as she managed to shut her bedroom door.

"Stiles?" 

The voice startled her. Of course Derek would come to her room after killing Kate. Stiles didn't expect anything less. What she didn't expect though, was the state of Derek. She wiped her eyes quickly trying to hide the tears, but saw how utterly wrecked Derek looked. He wasn't covered in blood anymore... no doubt due to the change of clothes he kept in the Camaro. His hair was messed up more than usual, there was red around his eyes. Not Alpha red, but bloodshot red. Was he hyperventilating?! 

"Derek?"

"Are... are you... did she hurt you?"

"No."

Derek nodded. Silence stretched, and it was a silence that Stiles hated. 

"Why are you here Derek?"

"Why am I... are you kidding me?!" Derek's voice rose.

"Just tell me how disappointed and disgusted you are with me and leave so I can feel like I'm dying inside by myself."

"I'm not.. what?! No. Why didn't you tell me?! Stiles... she did the same thing to me why would I..."

"I'm not a victim Derek!" Stiles's voice shook as she yelled. "I'm fine!"

"Why Stiles? Just answer that. Why didn't you tell me? Why did you let me..."

"Because I... I clearly wasn't protesting the whole jumping into bed with you. I wanted to!"

"So you tensing up and panicking had _nothing_ to do with Kate? When I touched you?!"

Stiles just looked at the floor, she couldn't say yes, she couldn't say no. It was... it was complicated and she didn't really want to have to explain it.

"It's fine. I'm fine." Her voice quiet although she knew the wolf would hear her.

"You are not fine Stiles! Fine is not having a panic attack to the point you try to stop breathing after I leave, after I have sex with you."

She was floored. Stiles didn't know that Derek had stayed, and listened. Thinking back on it now it makes sense. The way he looked at her, the way he spoke to her. There was concern in every movement and every word. Why wouldn't he lurk like the sourwolf that he was.

"It's not that simple!"

"Then explain it to me Stiles. I... you are killing me here. I don't want to be like her." The last part was a whisper.

"It... it was and it wasn't her. It was her because she touched me. It wasn't her because it was _you_. The whole time I was tied to that chair... the whole time I tried to think of something else. Anything. All I could think about was you. It's probably why I didn't try to fight it. I told myself I wasn't going to be a victim because she couldn't take everything from me. She couldn't take from me what I gave to you. She... she couldn't have that kind of power over me. What... what she can have is the power to make me think you are going to hate me for not fighting, for not trying harder. But you... you touching me. That was... god Derek. I can't even put into words what that felt like. What it felt like being with you."

It was clear that Derek was at a loss for words. He was standing there, simultaneously looking like a kid that lost their balloon and a man seeing beauty for the first time if that is even possible. 

"I was on cloud fucking 9 Derek. I don't think I will ever feel like that again, how I felt with you but... the moment I was alone when you were gone for a few minutes my mind wondered. Thinking about how maybe you didn't actually want to be with me, and this was more of an attempt to get me to be around more. I know that isn't something you would do. I just... you know how I get and then I tried to tell myself that my epic crush didn't take my virginity, but I willingly gave it. Then when Scott called you... I thought of her telling you and you never wanting to see me again and then I had a panic attack and I basically tried to suffocate myself to get it to stop. But seeing you.... on top of her.... I don't know what she said but the look you gave me was enough."

Silence filled the room again. God Stiles was really getting tired of fucking silence. She wanted Derek to scream at her, yell, growl, roar, tear into something preferably her at this point.

"Stop."

Stiles looked up at the wolf.

"Don't say that. Stiles... I would never hate you for that. I would never feel disgust for anyone but Kate. She did very similar things to me. The difference was I didn't know what was happening was wrong. I just... Stiles I wouldn't have made a move on you if I would have known."

"Exactly. Why would you make a move on me anyway? Sure we flirt but... come on Derek. You are out of my league by a million."

"Because I love you."

Stiles's heart was immediately in her throat. Derek Hale.... Derek Alpha Werewolf Hale just said that he _loves_ her! What dream world did Stiles step into?! God if she woke up right now she would be so incredibly pissed off. Before she could even make the decision, Stiles's feet were moving and she was closing in on the wolf in front of her. It wasn't like a predatory walk, but a mindless walk. Her eyes feeling the prick of tears again and all Stiles wanted to do was make it go away. 

Derek didn't move away, instead he grew impatient and met her half way. Wrapping her up in his arms. He wasn't attempting to kiss her, or make another move. Just his arms pressing her into his chest as if he needed her to breathe. Who knows, maybe he did. Stiles knew that right now at this very moment, if Derek were to leave she wouldn't even try to stop the panic attack that would ensue. Catatonic doesn't seem like a state she wants to live in, but if this wolf walked out she wouldn't care to keep going. 

The wolf gently rested them down on Stiles's bed. Stiles didn't want to give Derek the impression that he had to walk on eggshells, because that is the last thing she wanted. They were both treading in similar waters with what happened. But now Stiles had something to make it better. 

"Derek."

"Hmm." 

When she didn't reply, Derek looked at her. This time it was Stiles's turn to kiss Derek. Unlike their first kiss, this was fierce. She wanted to show him how much she wanted this, how much she wanted _him_. Once they pulled apart, Stiles pressed her forehead to his. 

"You make it better. I love you too Derek."


End file.
